With exactly one week before I board my one-way flight to SE Asia for an unknown number of months, I have a few things going on in my head. While juggling last minute to-do things, final lunches with some friends and the never ending choices I have to make with packing, these are the things swimming around in my head:

1.) MONEY MONEY MONEY. 

Why? Because this year has not been great for the stock market so far. Without getting into too much detail, I have some investments that I thinking of taking out to help with financing this trip and it turns out, this is not a good time to do so. So I am going to have to wait for it to improve while living off of the funds I have in hand and making that last a few months.

Another thing that is no news to Canadians – the Canadian dollar has dropped significantly (namely today) and this means foreign currency exchange is going to be a bitch. The US Dollar is the world currency and I am going to have to pay for some things in USD (border visa’s are a big one).  Today I bought $50 USD for $73 CAD and I cried a little bit on the inside.

While these things are not stopping me from my travels, it definitely is crappy timing.

2.) Having no income 

Ok, so this kind of ties in with the first point as in–money. I have been working since I was 15 and have always had a source of income. This marks the first time in my adult life that I do not have a steady income and yes I know I made the decision to quit my job to travel the world but hey – I’m allowed to be a little freaked by this! Only having debits from my accounts rather than deposits is well, a bit frightening. It helps that I’ve chosen budget-friendly destinations but shit, I am really going to have to watch my numbers.

3.) Leaving everything behind

I left my job. I am leaving my home, friends, family and of course, my sense of security and all familiarity behind. The longest I have been away from home was 3 months. And while many people will read this and say “I WISH I COULD DO THAT”, well… leaving everything behind has its pros and cons. While I am not running away from anything (I am perfectly comfortable with my life here) I also have a fear inside of me of not being nearby if something were to happen.

Now I don’t have anything particular in mind, which I believe is a good thing; but I know I just have to let go. And I planned/dreamt/went into this experience knowing this is what I had to do – let go. Let go of comfort, security, of my idea of the world because I know I will be proven wrong; let go of the routine, the everyday. And of course let go of fear that could be holding me back from something wonderful.

4.) My future

The ambiguous future; the big unknown. Why the heck has this been on my mind so much lately?! I’ve stopped working exactly 4 days ago and now I am thinking of my future career (and fear of a lack of future career). What am I going to do? Is my work experience going to be viable x number of months from now? Should I sharpen myself through online courses while I have this time off? WHAT IF I DON’T FIND ANYTHING??? GAH I HAVE NO SKILLS!

Yes I know that escalated quickly. And while we are our own worse critic, I can’t help but feel that my work experience hasn’t been varied enough to find something I truly desire. I know world experience will help my resume in certain ways but I guess this point ultimately ties in with #2 and #3 (everything is tying in together! Hmm…)

5.) Am I cut out for this?

Yeah, I probably should have thought of this before making the move. A part of me just wonders if I’ll get sick of the backpacker trail, of sleeping in a different bed every few nights, of making friends and then having to say goodbye a short time later. Pretty much the whole traveler scene.

Don’t get me wrong, every single time I have ventured out into the world, I really didn’t want to board the flight home. I always wanted a few more days in whatever city I was in (except Beijing, I couldn’t wait to leave Beijing). It’s never the places but rather the lifestyle. I know I’ll enjoy it, but for how long is the question.

So those are the things that are occupying my mind in my last week at home before leaving. I know most of them lean towards negativity and sound like #firstworldproblems but hey change always brings different emotions right?

I promise my next post will be a bit more enlightening!