I flew back home to Toronto on a semi last minute ticket 2 months ago. After nearly 15 months of being away, I was home. For two short, busy and quick weeks.

I caught up with friends, former co-workers, extended family. Everyone was keen to know about where my favourite place was, how living and working in Australia was like, how it felt like to visit home after all this time. But the big impending question that always came up: “What’s next Ange?”

The answer? I have no clue.

My working holiday visa for Australia expires at the end of November which means I have to leave the country on the expiry day. Overstaying my visa could lead to being banned from the country for a number of years (yikes).

A part of me is already grappling with having to leave Melbourne; a place that I have comfortably settled in; my new home. I’ve made some awesome friends, have my go-to places to eat, favourite spots to sit by the river… to think that it will all come to an end is going to be a difficult thing to deal with.

However, a part of me wants to “move on with my life”. The 417 visa (working holiday visa) is such a temporary visa with several work restrictions that make you feel, well, temporary. I’m not allowed to work for one employer for more than 6 months which turns off many potential hirers. While I love being here, that temporary feeling can be (surprise!) unsettling.

My circle of friends happen to include Aussies, Kiwis and expats/travellers from all over the world – some who are able to stay in Australia for an extended period of time (or forever if they so choose) and some who are here on limited time like me.

Sometimes when I hear my friends talk about what they are doing next year reminds me that I won’t be here. And it sucks.

But I came to Melbourne knowing that I am here to work and experience the city for a year and whatever happens next will happen. It’s been amazing so far and I’m super happy with my decision to take a break from travelling and building up my travel account again.

But I can’t put off on deciding what is going to happen after Melbourne. My choices include: continue to travel (South America maybe?!), work in New Zealand, teach in Asia, go home to Canada or maybe find a way to stay in Australia (I’m finding myself constantly getting jealous of those with PR here). And while I love to follow my heart’s desire, there are other circumstances that I have to consider; finances, family, my FUTURE. When I think about these things, it becomes overwhelming.

The “you should” front

I am constantly reminded by my mother that I am not getting any younger. And by that she means she wants to me meet someone and settle down (in Canada). I mean, of course I’d love to meet someone great and start a family, buy a place, etc one day but it hasn’t happened yet so why should I freak out about it just because I am 28?

Both my grandmothers always ask if I have someone in my life, aunts and uncles hint at it, wanting to get some details from me (“So… have you met someone in Australia?” – I guess that’s more direct, but hey). I can’t help but feel that in my early twenties and while I was in school, it was “less acceptable” to be dating someone because I should be focused on school, work etc. But when I hit my mid to late twenties, it’s expected that I should have found a life partner “by now” and the seemingly overnight pressure hits me and makes me think of things that I don’t think I should be worried about right now.

I should be seeing someone; I should be saving my money for my future; I should be settling into a steady career; I should be thinking about my biological clock.

Honestly guys, I could say I don’t think/care about these things but the truth is – I do. BUT I think about it to a certain extent. My brain constantly jumps from “hey, it’d be great to settle down in my own home, pick out cushion covers for my new couch and finally hanging up those vintage brass sparrows I bought at the thrift shop 4 years ago” to “Screw it, I really fucking love my semi-nomadic life right now”.

In no ways is my chosen path a “gap year” or a “break” from reality. It’s what I am choosing for myself and any choice I make is the right one for me. I am fortunate enough to be able to go back home whenever I want to/have to, but my choice right now is not to. I am not running away from reality, the day to day life I have right now is my reality. Just because it’s different from what I had before living in Canada doesn’t mean it’s any less meaningful or worthy of my time (ie. I am not wasting time by living this way, though there are people who think that but IDC).

AND – I firmly believe that if you are doing the things you love, you will attract the right people into your life.

So wherever this path takes me, I am excited for what’s around the corner, whichever corner of the globe I happen to be in.